The Google Gets It Wrong

One of the things that inspires confidence when you move to another country in the age of smartphone technology is the Google translate app.  I've been in cabs, restaurants and even lost in cities before and been able to go to The Google (via the Interwebs) and been able to The Google Map or The Google Translate myself where I need to be.

Today, we were in Carrefour shopping for groceries and need cotton balls.  We were wildly unsuccessful in finding them.  So we turned to The Google and into my Samsung Galaxy Note 2 (is not to big a smartphone, by the way) I type cotton balls.  Attached to the post is a screen shot of what The Google returned.  I confidently walked up to a woman that worked in the section of the store where you would expect cotton balls and showed her the translation.

She shook her head yes and led us off to...  the food section?  Something was amiss.  She handed Steph a package of marshmallows.  Huh?  I handed G the phone to get her take on what the translation error might be.  In a voice that sounded like the teenage version of G, she said, 'Uh, Dad, that says Marshmallow'.

Having spent 20 minutes trying to find cotton balls, we gave up and claimed 'mostly victory' over our Sunday excursion to Carrefour.

Negotiation Fishbowl

Quick story from last night's personal training session...  As a part of joining the local gym Steph and I were each given a free personal training session.

To start, the guy kicked my butt last night.  I haven't lifted weights that hard in YEARS...  and my muscles are paying the price today.

At the end of the personal training appointment they put the hard sell on you to sign up for a series of personal training sessions.  Steph and I wouldn't mind meeting with a personal trainer once a week, if for no other reason than left to our own devices we wouldn't push ourselves as hard as these guys pushed us in these sessions.  Basically a once a week butt kicking, sprinkled into our other activity might be good for us.  But the reality is that we have lots of tutor expenses (Gigi homework tutor, Gigi character tutor, Gigi English tutor, Olivia Spanish tutor) and we haven't gotten our first full month electric bill to know what the air con costs are going to be!

So at the end of my session, the guy sits me down to start the negotiation.  The negotiation itself went as you would imagine, I explain it's too much, he explains the value, I explain it's too much, he asks me what I am willing to pay, I tell him, he's offended...  repeat, repeat.

The funny part - at least I thought it was funny - was the audience we attracted.  At one point we had my trainer sitting across from me, his manager leaned over the table considering our 'offensive' offer and 4 other trainers looking over all our shoulders.

Then, we started to attract some of the folks there to work out...  they just swung by while resting in between sets to take in the action.  It's like they were fascinated to see if I could get a better deal than they did, or they were enjoying seeing the white guy getting worked over by 6 gym staff members!

I walked out with what I believe really is their best offer for personal training...  mostly because I walked out with a written offer (they didn't call me back in as I walked away) and they seemed unhappy/resigned to the offer I left with.

It's still more than we are willing to pay, but it was a fun negotiation experience.

Health Check – Déjà vu all over again?

First off, I am writing this post as we cruise along the streets of Taipei in bus 285.  It took about 10 minute’s worth of ride for a seat to clear out, but I am still counting myself lucky in the ‘finding a seat when riding the bus lottery’.

Some of you may remember our experience with the mandatory Chinese Health Check when we moved to Shanghai in 2007.  Weird, interesting, funny and perplexing all at the same time.  You can check out my post on the experience here, and Steph’s here.

Evidently each year the Intel office in Taipei sponsors a mandatory health check.  I’ll be sure to post about it afterwards, as it’s sure to be an interesting (and evidently LONG) process.  But I couldn't help but share the ‘pre-work’ for the health check. 

First, I get the packet from the Intel lobby staff.  In the packet is a 14 page questionnaire that needs to be filled out – hard copy.  Um, last time I checked it’s the 21^st century… this form could not be done on the web and then accessed when I am there for the appointment?  The answer is obviously ‘no’.  The form is pretty robust, asking about everything from diet to exercise, past or current medical conditions and personal habits – drinking, smoking, etc.  There was an entire section dedicated to the use of Betel Nuts (I’ll summarize in a later post for friends not familiar with the favorite treat of Taipei taxi drivers).

Also in the packet is a phone number to call and schedule the appointment.  I call, hoping upon hope that someone on the other end of the line speaks English.  This contest plays out to a draw.  No English, but also no person… a series of announcements – in Chinese, of course.  Now, I am lucky, as I have been provided with admin support from a wonderful woman who has been incredibly helpful and gets me an appointment the coming Monday at the same time as some other American expats so I can carpool and not have to use the taxi or sort out MRT.

So, the appointment is scheduled, my 14 page assessment is complete and I am reading through the remainder of the material… fast from midnight the night before, no problem.  Be on time, no problem. 

When I opened the package initially I noticed what I thought was a very small urine sample container.  I thought this a little weird – can’t they just collect that at the appointment?  Then I got to the section of the instructions that talk about this little tube.  Seems it’s not for a urine sample – it’s for a fecal sample.  WHAT?  Never before have my physicals/health checks required this.  And the 13 year old adolescent in me can’t help but giggle at the thought of 3 grown professional men in a van together on the way to the medical check on Monday morning with their fecal samples in hand.

Even better… the packet tells you to ‘follow the instructions’ included with the fecal sample collection mechanism and storage tube.  And… wait for it… yup, you’re probably already there… the instructions are all in Chinese. 

If you’re at all interested, check back for the compare contrast between this and the PRC experience.  I’m fascinated to see what I’m getting into on Monday given the pre-work...  And I promise, no more discussion of fecal samples!

Cheers!

When a small bed equals a doll pillow... Simple math...

Wow, it is hard to believe it's been nearly a week since we arrived in Taipei.  We hit the ground on Sunday night and spent night 1 in a hotel.  We were lucky in that we were able to secure two adjoining rooms, complete with the door connecting them.  While common in the US, these are not so common in the Intel hotels in which I have stayed in Asia.

This lead to our first 'we're in Asia'/'language barrier' moment.  Both rooms had two single beds, which was great.  We just needed to either fashion together a bed for Amelia (the 4 year old baby gets the short stick) or perhaps a roll away bed.  So we call the service center and ask for a roll away bed or baby cot for our youngest daughter.  They send someone to our room who asks what we want (didn't we just tell the lady on the phone what we wanted...  why yes, we did).  So I explain to her what we want.  I even pull out a little Chinese.  I point at the bed that one of the older kids is on and say 'xiao de', which if I remember correctly translates to 'small one'.  So, off the lady goes, in search of a small bed.  A few minutes later she returns... and in her hands is...  yes, I gave it away in the title of the post...  a pillow that might be right sized for an American Girl doll.

At this point, and remember we haven't slept in about 26 hours, I am trying to explain that we don't want a small pillow, we want a small bed.  Of course at this point Mimi is yelling 'I want the pillow, I love the pillow'.  So I hand her the pillow, my eyes telling her she's not helping.

What happens next is what always happens next when there's a language issue in Asia.  It's like when you call into get IT support and the first tech can't solve your problem.  They then find someone that's a little more knowledgeable until you get to someone that can fix your problem.  They found someone with a little better English to help us out, and a few minutes later, we had a roll away bed set up for Mimi, and in she was tucked with her American Doll pillow.

At about 5a I heard a ruckus in the girls room.  Upon investigation I found Mimi standing on her bed looking like she was about to launch the American Doll pillow across the room at Gigi, who was sitting up in her bed wide awake.  This was all playing out over Olivia's bed - in which she was dead asleep.  A stern message delivered to the youngest two children resulted in their going back to sleep and needing to be woken up at 8:00a in time to get breakfast.

Uneventful flights to Taipei, and easy commute and check into the hotel and a good night's sleep.  I good start I would say!